Is your child out of control? Are temper-tantrums a daily event? Are you frustrated with a lack of direction or methods of discipline?
Many difficult foster children entered my home over a period of 27 years. Each child brought a pile of emotional, mental and social baggage that needed to be sorted through in order to make growth and progress a possibility. Temper-tantrums consistently challenged our home.
• Ian’s tantrum sounded like a five-minute siren passing by on the way to a fire.
• Susan screamed at the top of her lungs for long periods of time until she had no voice left.
• Henry threw toys, hit people and objects in his way, thrashed his arms and eventually ran to hide.
• Joel’s anger spells of hitting, punching holes in walls, breaking things, pounding the furniture and screaming often lasted two hours.
I am thankful to God for changing these lives.
I believed that every outburst needed an appropriate discipline. Familiar with accepted and time proven behavior modification plans, I traveled on my journey of parenting ready to conquer the world.
These kids were tough. Traditional methods of control did not work. I reached the end of my rope filled with questions, frustration and defeat.
Eagerly, I read books on raising children, read God’s Word for guidance and used every traditional discipline method to control or bring change to each child.
Looking for the underlying cause of the anger helped me to devise a productive plan for change: neglect and a lack of love and care, selfishness, stubbornness, early childhood trauma, chemical imbalance, allergies, abuse, etc.
I learned to:
- Identify all emotional triggers
- Set small reachable goals for each negative behavior
- Work on one area of change at a time
- Be open to new therapies, medical or nutritional research or necessary counseling
When a child’s behavior does not change during a reasonable time, it is good to check for allergies, food sensitivities or for a chemical imbalance. Eliminating one food at a time for a month, then reintroducing it again, helped to pinpoint allergens causing emotional outbursts. Good foods to start with: milk & dairy products, wheat and gluten, food dyes, preservatives, sugar, chocolate, nuts, fruits, plastic containers, etc.
Whoever has no rule over his own spirit Is like a city broken down, without walls. Proverbs 25:28 This Proverb describes the brokenness of my children’s emotions.
The Lord helped me raise challenging children. Temper tantrums shortened. Children learned to manage their behavior. God healed some of their emotional imbalances.
Promises
“Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4
Partnering with God
Pray for your child and for areas that are out of control. Ask, seek and knock on God’s door for answers. Set small reachable goals for the child and for yourself. Work at your goals daily. Never give up! Pray for wisdom, direction and help to raise your child His way.
Let me know your thoughts!
Partnering with God,
Elaine
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